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Volume 1, No. 12 - May 2002

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Advani talks to Vajpayee  


I am in Love: Vajpayee
Lalit Koul

[For this month's Satire issue, a Kashmir Herald correspondent through his deep-throat contact managed to get the transcript of a recent discussion between Indian Prime Minister Vajpayee and his Home Minister Advani. Here we present the discussion.]

Lal Krishan Advani: Atal Ji, Namastay !!

Atal Bihari Vajpayee: Namastay !!! Namastay !!! Have a seat, please. I have something very important to discuss with you.

LKA: Really? I want to discuss the prevailing situation in Gujarat, Jammu & Kashmir, North-East, Andhra Pradesh, Tamil Nadu..Öbasically all the internal burning situations.

ABV: Advani Ji, I am in love.

LKA: Atal Ji, We have to deal with these internal monsters; otherwise these are going to consume us.

ABV: I am in love.

LKA: Atal Ji, we can not afford to sit still. We are going to lose the next election.

ABV: I am in love. I am at peace. I love peace. Can I get a Nobel Peace Prize?

LKA: Atal Ji, the country and the people of the country are not at peace.

ABV: Advani Ji, do you know the feeling of love? I feel great.

LKA: Atal Ji, can we talk about country first?

ABV: I love love. I love peace. How does one get a Nobel Peace Prize? Do I have to apply?

LKA: Atal Ji, people expect us to deliver on our election promises. They expect us to govern. Isnít that what they elected us for?

ABV: I feel great. I am in love. How does one get a Nobel Peace prize? Donít I qualify?

LKA: Atal Ji, I am talking about more than one billion people who reposed faith in you. They are feeling frustrated and disillusioned.

ABV: Let me give you my qualifications. I went to Lahore for peace. I restrained my armies in Kargil for peace. I invited Musharraf to Agra for peace. In the name of peace, I let tens of innocent Indians get killed everyday. But I donít retaliate. That is being peace-loving. So donít I qualify for Nobel Peace Prize?

LKA: Who cares about Peace Prize, Atal Ji? Indians are not having peace.

ABV: You donít have to have real peace. All you need to do is to show the intent. And then you get the Nobel Peace Prize. Arafat got it. Why canít I?

LKA: What about internal violence? Can we talk about it?

ABV: So do you think I and His Excellency Musharraf will jointly get the Nobel Peace prize?

LKA: Atal Ji, our comrades from Shiv Sena, VHP, RSS are upset with us. They believe that we have given up our Hindutva objectives.

ABV: Advani Ji, I will not mind sharing the Nobel Peace Prize with Pakistani President. Rabin shared it with Shimon and Arafat.

LKA: How long do you think we can go on like this, ignoring the anti-social elements within the country?

ABV: Did I tell you I am getting married?

LKA: That is your personal business. I want to talk about India.

ABV: My only pending wish is to get Nobel Peace Prize and then I will retire. That is why I am ready to sacrifice anything. Indiaís integrity, Kashmir, anything.

LKA: Atal Ji, India cannot afford to be reactive. We have to be strong and pro-active to root out the terrorists elements within India.

ABV: Advani Ji, sacrifice is supreme. You should learn to sacrifice. Sacrifice for peace. Sacrifice for love. I am in love.

LKA: Sacrifice what? Oneís life or oneís interests? We are sacrificing both.

ABV: Advani Ji, I have cut a new album. Have you heard it? Jagjit Singh Ji sang for me. I was in love when I wrote those poems.

LKA: Atal Ji, Indians are not interested in poetry. They want secure and progressive life. And they look up to us for direction and leadership.

ABV: Advani Ji, I am too old for direction and leadership. All I can do now is fall in love and write poetry. When is next election?

LKA: Why do you care? We are going to lose anyway.

ABV: No. I donít. I am going to retire anyway. I just wanted to check how long before I get my Nobel Peace Prize?

LKA: When you are done with your Nobel Peace Prize dreams, please call me and we will discuss Indiaís needs. Namastay !!!

ABV: Fine. I Am In LOVE !!!!

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